itwas a normal day in San Francisgender for Windex, our main protagonist hero. the sun was one million fuckong degrees and he was walking doen the street thinking "what a ROTTEN day...... if only i eas playing my favorite videogame, Pokemon Diamond"

as if some kind of higher poer was smiling or laughing or just eavesdroppinh on him he then tripped over a small object ont hr sidewalk breaking his nose blood EVERYWARE. "who in thr fuck did that" he said facedown on the conk creat. he turned to look at what tripped him and saw lo and behold A CARTRIDGE OF POKEMON DIAMOND. it looked like a normal carteidge but thr label was gone and it just said "pokëmon" in all lowrrfcase on it.

"my lucky day" said Windex picking it up. he bled blood all the eay home but was SO excited to play this vidrogame.

he jumped into his favorite bed and grabed his gizmondo and equiped the Pokemon Diamond cartrige. but the title scrrrn was strange


and dialga exploded into blood when he pressed start.

"must be a glitch" evrtyone knew about the explosive dialga bug. it was tragic thousands of childhoods were ruined. but windex didnt let that get him down like other weaker, lesser gamers would do

when the game started alrwady he was playing as the boy trianer with a time of 666:66 and 6666666 money and 666 badges and he was named die-mond like the title. "thats not my fucming name my name is windex" he gorwled angry but continued playing

die-mond was in an area called "ETERNAL SUFFERING AND AGONY" and it looked like mt coronet but all the walls were bright red and covered in green acid. adn in die-monds party thete was nothing but a level 666 rempardoes named "YOUCH".

"ugh........ ramparods such a stupid pokrmon i hate it" windex said "im going to release it as soon asi get to a pc bc its so sucks"

THEN a fucked oup loud nois that sounded like ten dial up modems at once played adn a textbox appears saying [U DONT GET TO CHOOSE MY FAVROTUE POKEMON FOR ME, ASSHOLE]

"damn rhat was weird" windex said and continued playinthe video game. all the wild pokemon in mt cronet were acid zombied adn they lookrd at the screen very miserabley. and they explodrd into blood when YOUCH defeatrd them

"this... is SO badass" windex grinned he loved vidro games so much

he reaches the top of mt coronet and on spear pillar there was a SKI LODGE. "huh what the hell.... that's not supposed to happeb thats not supposed to be there.......... i hope theres not something wrong eith my game"

he went in the ski lodge adn nobody was there but there was ski equipment. it looked damagd and covered in blood but it was colected anyway and went into the key items where the descroption said [The only way back down the mountein...........]

he wanderd around teh ski logde more and found a bunch of scary notez written in acid. (get out wihle you can] [run! or you will get got] 'get the hell out of here] [oh my god why are you still in this lodge you need to LEAVE] [i am talking to you thru the video game you need to get the fuck out of here you fucking moron] windex wondeted what it meant.............

a text pop up said [Die-mond: Can we leave PLEASE] but windex assumed it was a glitch. but as we all know..... when you assume you make an Ass out of U and Me.................

following a trail of acid then he found a big pile of dead corpses of people anf pokemon gorily murdered. die-mond turned around to leafve but windex madehim walk up to the corpses anyway.

"maybe they have useful items"

[Dude come on]


it ROARED at them and aufomativally die-mond ran like hell

"omg fucking COWARD ehy dont we fight it"

[you literally want my rampardos to melt fighting ACID PALKIA]


die-mond ran out of teh ski lodge ehile a tidal wave of CORROSIVE ACID chased him. as he reacshed the edge of spear pillar ACID PALKIA exploded out of the ski lodge roaring like godzilla and blood and acid rained from the sky (thankfuly die-mond had an acidproof and bloodproof umberlla.)

the words in the the key items bag pouch eckoed in Windex's mind..... "only one way down teh mountain..............." windux wondefed how this gaem knew abut his childhood truama whetr he fell down a mountain while skiiing and rolled up into a huge snoeball adn crashed into a radio tower causing a nationwide blackout. however........... he had to FACE HIS FEARS

he had die-mond equop the skis and begin skiing down the mountin SUPER quickley . teh grounf shook as ACID PALKIA chased behind them and to makr things even scarier therewere zombies popping outof the snow to try to GRAB die-mond. but skillfully (because windex was very good at video games) he manged to escape and reach the bottom of thr mountain leaving ACID PALKIA in the dust.

"wowza...... that was a close onr........ i better taek this more seeriously or my gameing days will be OVER..." windex sighed reliefedly.but just because hed gotten down MT ETERNAL SUFFERING AND AGONY did not mean his troubles were over

thr rest of sinnoh looked likr absolute shit. it was forzen in time because dialga exploded into blood and also it just looked very withered adn melted and dead. die-mond had to walk through black slutch that madr an ugly schlorping noise with every step.

[Die-mond: Welcome to my neverending hell.......... Its like this all the time here]

he walkdd up to an npc trainer and interacted with thrm. but because they were frozen in time all they did was fall over into the slime whete they sunk to the bottom and were never seen again.

"I hope that npc was not important"

[that was professor rowan. good going asshole]

"OH SHIT......" but then windex realised this eas maybe actualy a good thing "wait if rowan is dead and gone forever then we can go get all teh starters for free. and replace that dumb rampados"

[genuonely what is your beef with YOUCH. i think maybe you are not a very nice person and you have a lot of insecurities that you are taking out on others]

"Heh..... I'm Not A Person, I'm A Gamer" windex said confidencely and swaggy. (thouhg also he decided oncr he was done playing he would go throw rocks at nintendos headqurters for makeing a video game say mean things to him)

he decided to start on his joruney to get the sinnoh starters but then. he realized he did not know whare he was and the area label saying "PURGATORY FOREVER" did not help at all.

he opened the town map but all he saw was a photograph of a real human corpse. this did not help him figure out where he was but it DID make him scream REALLY loud for ten seconds straight because this meant the game was NOT normal and was in fact... H-H-HAUNTED!!!!!!!!!!!

diemond had herd the scream (it was realy hard not to even if you were in a videogame) and interupted it. [DIE-MOND: that is a photo of my dead body. my soul has been trapped in this game since 2009]

"huh.............. that sux, youve never even gotten to hear Call Me Maybe"


""Call Me Maybe" is a song recorded by Canadian singer-songwriter Carly Rae Jepsen[1] for her EP Curiosity (2012) and later appeared on her second studio albu"

[you DO realize i am being eternaly tortured in an evil video game right]

"ugh. nobody respect me. maybr you desrved to be trapped in a video game forever" windrx said annoiyrd. he was geting bored anyay so he was about to turn off the gizmondo and throw the cartridge in the garbage when SUDDENLY

it then zoomed in close up on Die-Mond. his eyes were HYPERREALISTIC LIKE REAL EYES and they bled blood a lot. and he had dialga markings and you could see his exposed ribcage but his organs were all missing and replaced with arbitrary objecgs (sold his organs on the black market. what it takes to survive in Purgatory Hell Forever Sinnoh)

[Ok. you try to get rid of my favorite pokeymon for no reason. You force me to explore a deathly ski lodge and almost get me kiled by Acid Palkia. And now you think its good for me to be in hell forever because ive never herd of Carly Rae Jetson. I will not let these transgerssiosn go unpunished]

windex luaghed "hah...... waht are you goig to do, goremurder me? i will haev u know i am stronger than any video game"

[48°52.6′S 123°23.6′W]

windex paused staring. "huh????? ........WAIT. OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!! OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he got up from the vdieo game and ran over to the windoe in a panic. water slorshed around outside for miles and miles and miles. HIS HOUSE WAS NOW SLOWLY SINKING AT POINT NEMO, THE FARTHEST POINT ON EARTH FROM DRY LAND. AND THE WATER. WAS. BLOOD

[that is whag happens when you do not take me seriously]

"YOU LITTLE BASTERT!!!! YUOR GOING TO ATLANTIS FOR THIS ONE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!" windex yelled angryly winding back his award winning pitching arm to toss the entire gizmondo into the ocean.

[WAIT hold on] die-mond yelled [if uou do this you will not be able to escape and you will drown when yuor house sinks]

windex sieghed and stopped "fine.... ok........... what is it going to take to get you to put my house back"

[Uhm. Well i cant teleport it back because ACID PALKIA only helps me teleport stuff if it will result in some one dying]

windex was back to about to throw the gizmondo in the ocean again

[BUT if you lend me yuor gamer power i can turn back time to before it was teleported in the first place....] while die-mond was talking in secret he was contacting the U.S. Navy over Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection to send an sos to come pick them up. he did not actualy have any time control powrrs and the dialga stuff was purley cosmetic and he was schemeing [you have to put your hand to the screen and close yuor eyes adn think "Slorp this into the game" over and over]

"hm....... lend you my gamer power huh................ seems sus like amogus but i havent a better choicr................." windex sighed closed his eyes and put his hand to the screen. Slorp this into the game... Slorp this into the game... Slorp this into the game..............

butif he had been less panicjed he would have stopped to realiez he was not specifying WAHT was being slorped into the game!!!!!

he felt sudenly very dizzy and gohstly and out of sorts. "is this normal am i suposed to be feeling faint. i think yuore taking too much of my gamer energy"

then he realiced becuz die-mond could only talk thru text on a screen he had to open his eyes to see an anser. he opened his eyes and ....... SAW HIS SOUL WAS BEING SUCKED OUT OF HIS BODY INTO THE VIDEO GAME ADN DIE-MOND WAS TRYEING TO CLIMBE INTO AND POSSESSWINDEX'S EMPTY HUSK OF A BODY THAG WAS CURENTLY CRUMPLING DOWN LIEK AN EMPTY SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "HEY"

"Uh oh. busted" sayed Die-mond.




AND THEN...... YOUCH THE RAMPARDOS JUMPED OUT OF THE GIZMONDO TO PROTECT DIE-MOND (AND ALSO GET REVENGE ON WINDEX)!!!!!!! HE STABBED A HORN THRU WINDEX but becus both die-mond and windex were incorpreal gohsts right now it didnt actualy do jack shit it just phased thru him.

"well......... yuo tried ur best buddy" die-mond said reasurringly. THEN WHILE DIE-MOND WAS DISTRACTED WINDEX THREW TEH GIZMONDO AT HIM SLURPING HIM BACK INTO THE GAME.

windex laughed manically "haha..... SUCKER" adn went back into his own body. adn then realised maybr he should not have done that yet becaise there is still an angry rampardos in the room

"Uh. sorry for sayig i would imediately kick u off the team and for tryig to get u melted by ACID PALKIA?" windix chuckled nervusly backing agenst the wall. he was not looking forwerd to finding out waht the movr skull bash felt like in REAL LIFE.

but THEN. he had a quick thinking fast idea. he ducked out of teh way of Youch's first chargr which busted a massive hole in teh wall. adn then quickly he grabed the gizmondo adn thru it thtough teh hole in the wall into the ocean "GOODBYE die-mond u piece of shit"

youch watched in horror as his trainer went sailig in2 the ocean, adn with a last snarl @ windex he jumped in after teh gizmondo to try to resque die-mond.

after sevral minutes, windex did not see them resurface and brethrd a sigh of relief. then he remenebered he was sinking into teh ocean and BEGAN TO PANIC AGAIN. but thankfuly salvation came minutes later in teh form of the entire us navy (wow a littel bit late, guyz. u totally missed the ghost battle with the real world pokemon) who pulled him aboard

"so how the fuck did your house end up at nemo point." the captain of the fleet Waters Seacaptain asked him

windex just chuckled and looked over teh ocean mysterusly. "heh...... even if i told u youd never belief me." it had been a real wild wacky ride of an adventuer that was for sure! he then passed out frum blood loss bc he had never treated his broken nose from earlier adn had been bleeding out the whole time.

little did everyone kno, YOUCH wus clinging to teh back of teh ship, gizmondo in claw........... he and die-mond had escaped to haunt another day . and PERHAPS even get their revenge on windex.

[that bastard windex's days are numbered............... he will PAY for just generally being kind of a dick] die-mond textboxxed darkly.

youch made affirmative rampardos sounds of vengeful intent.

however roughly two months after returning to the mainland windex unrelatedly ended up going to prison for several counts of serial arson. the end